Going through it…

I tend to be quiet at times. But maybe I should also share.
At times I encourage others to share their experiences, and I listen to them with an open heart, with acceptance, allowing them to be just as they are wherever they are at.

Some of the people I know have said that they feel like they don’t belong here, on Earth. I think it kind of like feels a foreign place to them, not like home…
I feel at times like as if I’ve been here a few times too many…

Some things trigger me and bring back memories. Memories that are as if mine, but they’re not from this lifetime. They’re like from many other lifetimes.

When I think back about my current lifetime I can see it going on already when I was a child – the things I didn’t like to watch, the games I didn’t like to play, the things I didn’t like to do, the perspectives and opinions that I had.
And also some things, clothes, music etc that I liked, the kind that were not contemporary. There must have been some good lives as well. :)
When I was younger the likes and dislikes were simply as if towards these things themselves: a movie, a game, what someone said, some event etc. If let’s say a movie triggered me, then that exact movie as if haunted me for some time later.

Now over around last 4 years or so it has shifted in the sense that when something triggers me then up come some memories that are different from the exact trigger.
They feel like memories of my own yet are not from this current lifetime.
I can recall the emotions and how things felt in my body as if I had felt them and experienced these events.

Sometimes I feel sad about things that have happened there. Sometimes these past experiences evoke fears, freeze-response and silence in me. Sometimes it comes with physical pains in my body.
There are wars, apocalypses and post-apocalyptic experiences, there are experiences of violence from people “then” close to me (I had thought before that they were nice people…), there are fights, torture etc.
So when I see it still going on around me in this world I sometimes just feel like “can we all please grow up and get over it already and live on in a different way?”
All the people hurting people…

Sometimes games trigger me, too. And how people behave while playing games. What they are capable of doing to other beings within games and somewhere within me I’m wondering either they’re capable of doing the same also outside the game… If not today, then what about tomorrow…?

At the same time I kind of feel that a part of me is not triggered at all. Like a part of me (my pure Spirit) is holding space for the human-me to finally overcome all that stuff.

So I aim for neutrality. I seek to let others choose their experiences and be acceptive of it as long as they’re not directly attacking me.
I try to overcome my fears and seek for my voice and dare to speak and share in order to create new experiences and new kinds of memories for myself, despite the fears of being attacked by other people if I “say or do something “wrong” “.
I energetically pull out spears from my body, energetically put back on, reincorporate, and own again as mine bodyparts that have been cut off, cut out or just cut. I clear my cellular memories, heal, optimize, balance, and harmonize my body and energy field in all sorts of ways I come to know how. Just to move on, in hopefully a somewhat better way. As whole, as healed, at peace.

On some days it’s interesting, on some days it’s easy, on some days it’s overwhelming and on yet others I feel like I’m just tired of it all…
I kind of know, that we’re never given more than what we can handle at the time. Even if at times it can seem challenging and demand us to grow in order to handle it. I still know that I / we can do it.

On some days still when I go to Twitch and I look at who is online and what games they’re currently playing and I see the list of shoot-fight-kill games – at times I just close the Twitch window and go do something else.
Until I’m willing again ….
At times I myself don’t understand why I even go to Twitch… I guess it’s because of the people…
And maybe many more nuances…

I hope that some day all this is just a part of my past. That I’ve gone through it all.

I also want to add that I do not blame anyone nor anything that happens to trigger me. ♡

And don’t perhaps take it too seriously. At times I don’t. Which unfortunately doesn’t make it unreal…

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