Sometimes I feel like – yeah! why not? sure I’m ready. For the change.
Yet, I don’t always know what I’m getting myself into.
So I stand here. Confused. Or is it too little said to describe my situation?
I feel like – chaotic, explosive.
Not anymore, though.
I’m forever grateful for the 2,5 years of depression that I had around 10 years ago, and for all the tools that I acquired during that time, and later. And for all that I can and know now. It makes me just ask a few questions, and there’s a smile on my face. And a few minutes before, and at times also later, there are tears in my eyes.
Soul search – that’s what is going on.
Will it ever end?
Do I even want it to?
Where will I go from here?
And then I crack myself into pieces, and then, there is peace.
And a big ball of Light.
There’s a lot of dying. And a lot of new beginnings.
Some reactions are more difficult to not to live out than others.
Yet – so far, so good. I haven’t crossed any “lines” yet. Haven’t done any damage nor things “I might regret later”. Hanging in there. At ease and big heaviness at once.
I know… I know… I know…
